" Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the stutue" - Roger C Anderson
"All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening" - Alexander Woollcott
"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolution" - Joey Adams
"By the time a man realizes that may be his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong"- Charles Wadsworth
"Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other"- laurence J Perer
"Budget - A mathematical confirmation of your suspicious"- A.A.Latimer
"I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way"- Jayson Feinburg
"The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk"- jacqueline Schiff
"The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable" - Paul Dean
"Whoever syas that money can't buy you happiness doens't know where to shop" - Telegraph Megazine
"It is a funny thing about life; it you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it" - W. Somerest Maugham
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn''t" - Erica jong
"The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep"- E.Joseph Cossman
"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before"- Mae West
"Those who agree with us may not be right but we admire their astuteness" - Cullen Hightower
"If you want to truly understand something, try to change it" - Kurt Lewin
"If you had to live your life all over again - You'd need more money"- Construction Digest
"A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fees" - Arnold H. Glasgow
"Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another Drink"- Unknown
"I find I always have to write on a steamed Mirror"- Elaine Dundy
"Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about"- Sam Ewing
"No one is listening until you far't"- Unknown
"People who snore always fall asleep first"- Unknown
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else" - Will Rogers
"As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold"- Unknown
"Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing, but nobody else does.” - Steuart Henderson Britt
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy"- Charlie McCarthy
" What's the difference between a whore and a congressman? A congressman makes more money"- unknown
" Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable."
"There is only one thing about which U am certain and that is that there is very little about which one can be certain" - W.Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" - Unknown
" Income tax has made more liars out of people than golf and fishing" - Jim Stone
"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me." -Bobcat Goldthwait
"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim" - Paula Poundstone
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should beseverance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp" -Bob Ettinger
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skillsthan men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh" -Conan O'Brien
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of fourpeople make up 75 percent of the population." -David Letterman
""The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here" -Jerry Seinfeld
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New Yorksaid, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west" -Richard Jeni
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." -Paul Rodriguez
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired." -- Jules Renard
"Men's maxims reveal their characters." -- Vauvenargues
"A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions."
"A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly."
"Imagination and fiction make up more than three quarters of our real life." -- Simone Weil
"Time is what prevents everything from happening at once." -- John Archibald Wheeler
"The winds and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators." -- Edward Gibbon
"Inexperience is what makes a young man do what an older man says is impossible." -- Herbert V. Prochnow
"True life is lived when tiny changes occur." -- Leo Tolstoy
"Awaken your sense, your intuition, your desires. Awaken the parts of yourself that have been sleeping. Life is a dream, and to live it, you must be awake." -- Rachel Snyder
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." -- Henry David Thoreau
"Health and cheerfulness mutually beget each other." -- Joseph Addison
"The great proof of madness is the disproportion of one's designs to one's means." -- Napoleon I
"It takes time to save time." -- Joe Taylor
"I have a photographic memory, but once in a while I forget to take off the lens cap." -- Milton Berle
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not." -- Mark Twain
"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
"If I'd known how old I was going to be I'd have taken better care of myself." -- Adolph Zukor, founder of Paramount Pictures, before his 100th birthday
"My doctor says too much sex can cause memory loss. Now, what was I about to say?" -- Milton Berle
"Why put off until tomorrow what you can forget to do today?" -- Gigi Vorgan
